Monday, 21 May 2018

School


Oh how I missed school so much. It’s been five years since I graduated from school. My last achievement was in Pre-University. Everyone strives to get a good results, while me.. It’s too late now to regret. Duh.. Nevermind I still proud that I did it!

You know what I miss the most? The school itself, the canteen, the teachers, even the fish pond, where I (we) used to hang out during school break. I studied there for 5 years. 5 years, I created so much memories. Like a lot! The goods and the bads. Oh my god, I even went into fight with these new student when we were in form 4 like that. And the argument went through like a year. I don’t even know why the hell we fought, I don’t have any idea. But nah, I already forgive them. Nothing much about the fight tho, just a “childish moment”.

I swear to God when I said I miss school, I really do. I even cried in my room thinking of the time that I wasted before. I really do regrets about things in school back then. The most important is, I regret for not studying well in school. I’m so lazy, extra lazy and superduper lazy back then. I still remember that I will skipped school once a week. That’s a must, I tell ya.

But that’s too late to regret now. But what I know is, I’m not regret that I have a friends that did well in their studies. They make it into Degree/Masters. I’m a proud friend, I must say. When I bumped into my old teachers, and they asked about my so called “life-journey”, I’ll just say that I’m helping my mom with her business. And I always tell them about my friends achievement. They surely proud of their ex-student, right? Nevermind I don’t have thing to proud of, but I’ll make myself proud one day J

I don’t know why some of us don’t like throwing back to school life. I missed school SO MUCH! Maybe they had a bad memories at school. Nahh, so do me guys! But my life more to happy ones! I’m so lucky for that. I don’t regret spending my life at school because school gives us more memories! How I wish I can turn back time and live my school life! You guys who still in school, please cherish & create as much memory there’s because you gonna miss it someday, like me..now..


Till again, TA x

Thursday, 12 October 2017

Its too late to regret.

Once your precious one leave you, you got nothing left behind.

Today I'm gonna talk about our loved ones going to leave us, one fine day. No matter how closed, or we don't even talk to them. But once they leave us, you can't bear to handle the feeling of being left.  Trust me I've experienced this twice. First back in 2008, my brother passed away when I was sitting for USPR. Followed with my uncle, step mom and then 2015, my dad.

I must tell you something. I don't even closed with any of them. Except my step mother, she was so so kind I tell ya. She's not that one "mak tiri" that roled out in Malay dramas. She's the kindest one, after my mom. They both had a very good relationship back then. I still remember the last time me and my mom met her was in her room, laying in the bed, sick. Of course I'm sad, bcs she always treat me nice ever since my dad married her. After a few weeks admitted, she passed away.

I can see that my late dad loved her so much. 2 years passed, my dad followed her. They must've meet in Heaven, right. Together with my brother..

2015, 4:06AM

Received a call from my sister who been taking care of him for a day "Baba already passed away". I can hear her voice in a very calm tone, letting go was not that easy. Plus, she's the closest one with my dad. I don't even cry, at that time I don't even know what to feel. Once I arrived at the hospital, I go to his bed, I saw him, laying down without any tubes, unconscious, pale, his mouth were opened. I started crying. My dad, already left us.

Me and my dad didn't live under the same roof almost 10 years. So you can tell why I'm not closed to him. I cried because he's my one and only dad. Eventho I don't feel like he's the one. Except, He is. I regret not be able to let him know that I actually loved him. I don't remember when was the last time I ever said I love him. And so do I, wondering "did my father loves me?"

What I wanna tell you guys is, eventho we are not "that" closed to  someone, doesn't mean that we don't love them and don't care about them. I regret, for spending less time with my dad and my brother. I regret that they don't even know that their existence actually means the world to me. Losing them actually gives me pain. The pain of missing someone that we could never see them again. Not be able to talk to them. It hurts. So bad.

Time flies, today 13/10/2017 marks 2 years my father left us.

I lost my dad. I couldn't bear with that. I still hope that he's alive. And now, who's next? The thoughts of my family members leaving me really hit me. I don't want to talk about my mom, if she left me, I just don't wanna live anymore. The pain that I must deal, alone..without any shoulders to cry on.

If one day, my ajal come first, do forgive me. Tell my mom I love her. So much

I'm tired of crying. I really hope I don't need to face all this situation alone. I wish death are not something that we must face it one day...

People cry not because they are weak. It's because they've been strong for too long.


Till next time, TA x